“AITA for divorcing my wife because I want someone better?”
My wife and I are married for 6 years now,we have a daughter together. Our marriage became bad after our daughter was born. A big point of contention was surname for our daughter.
I wanted mine, she wanted hers. We compromised on hers after a lot of bickering on her surname. I conceded to the argument that she was carrying the baby, so she deserves the honor. And I was okay with it, it made sense. But it always sat in some unreachable corner of my mind. Now I know why.
For 3 years she gave all her love to our daughter. It was like I wasn’t even in her radar. I was kept at a distance. When I communicated I was accused of being jealous of my daughter. Some part of me knew that I was, and I felt ashamed. Soon it became the new normal. I was lonely and I learned to be okay with it.
My boss invited me to his house for dinner. He is a great man, very supportive. His wife was very affectionate towards him while mine was distant and naggy. I saw their relationship and I compared it to mine and I came to a realization that my wife is not into me. Maybe she never was. Now she has someone she actually loves (my daughter) so she doesn’t need me for companionship. I am just an annoyance.
It was not a sad realization, it was freeing. I want what my boss has, a woman who loves me. That’s not my wife. That surname bit came to my mind. My boss’s wife is proud to take his last name, to give her children his last name. Mine doesn’t feel that pride.
I told my wife that I want a divorce. I gave her my reason, I talked about my feelings. She was angry and annoyed. Told me that we have family together and I should grow up…that up and downs are part of marriage. She said she will try to be better from then on. She tried to give me sh$t about what I said about surnames. Called it chauvinistic. I decided not to argue back.
I started the process of divorce and she was served 2 days ago. She was shocked, I have never seen her like that. It was like she couldnt even believe that I was actually divorcing her. In her defense it all happened in 3 weeks span.
She is now trying to make me stop divorce. She said she will take my name and give our daughter my name if that’s what I want. She still doesn’t get it. Surnames were just symptoms of the bigger problems. She just does not love me enough. I want someone who does.
She wants therapy but I don’t see how that will help us in any way. She said our problems can be fixed and not to gamble my life and our daughters life like that. There is no guarantees.
She is not wrong, I am playing a huge gamble with my life. Buy I do want a woman who can love me like the wife of my boss loves him. I want a better wife than my current wife. AITA?
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